A Tribute Blog to Jersey

Today has been an emotional days for me....the loss of a child, even when it is not mine, hurts my heart and breaks it. I cried for this child that was not even mine. I would like to tell you how my day unfolded and how I am now at peace with all of it. Through anger, sadness, and tears, the Lord has reminded me of HIS will......and he wants me to share it with you all.

I got home around 10:30 this afternoon, it was just another day for me, a long day of kids screaming, my husband going off to work and me running of a lack of sleep. Peace was not something I was going to get today, irratation had already set in. I tried to find inner peace so I decided to take a shower while the boys were on the couch and lily was in bed...my hubby was getting ready for work. I felt better once I got out.....I put a smile on my face and reminded yself to be greatful for all that I have. We kissed daddy goodbye and turned to settle back into the movie. I did the normal check of email on ALL of my addresses, both my myspaces, my cafemom site, and then I went and posted a new blog on blogspot. Once that was finished it was 1:00pm. Now it was time to check in on all of my friends and their special little babies. As I was scrolling down the list, I debated who I wanted to read an update about first, it was between Ellery and Jersey....I ALMOST clicked on Jersey....my mouse hovered there...but something told me not to click it quite yet....so I didn't. I went over to check Ellery first....and she is doing splendid...had an emergency surgery but recovering well from it. Nothing but great news in the blog after reading the heart wrenching retold story of the Emergency. I was happy with the report and looked forward to reading about Jersey....but as soon as I scrolled down to get to her name, this sudden feeling washed over me. It is really hard to say why or what happend....but as soon as my cursor hoverd over her name, the only thing I thought was,"Jersey passed away today." I hadn't opend the page yet, so I knew nothing that had transpired this early January morning. I didn't now as I looked at the clock at 5:56 this morning grumbling about how wish the day was over alread , that my friend was holding her daughter in her arms for the last time.

Princess, Angel Jersey was called home to our creator, she met her maker before the rest of us have. She is once again whole, while all of our hearts break. Or Lord and Saviour sent Jersey here to teach us, and what that lesson is, depends on who you are. Everyone will walk away from this tragedy learning something completely different. When I spread the news of Jerseys passing, everyone told me they were so sorry and to send Chris and Heidi their condolenseces. So I sat there and began to ponder why people were telling ME they were sorry. It isn't my life that has been changed completely, it isn't I that will wake up every day with a peice of me missing.....and then the anger hit me. How could we be strong enough to wake up with a peice of our lives missing? How are we strong enough to continue on with our lives like we are ok after something like this?

Then I prayed! I have learned when I ask these questions, the Lord has always seemed to want to show me. I don't want to be shown, and I have prayed all day that he doesn't teach me in this way. I KNOW we can get through things such as this, but it once again reminds me how unfair this life is and how blessed we are when it is our time to be called home to be next to our Fathers side. That our time here on earth is just a passing, it is just a fraction of time, he teaches us things here, things that he can't teach us in heavan. Even with this unperfect life that has been created due to one bite from an apple, the Almighty creator took the evil that took place and made the best of it he could. He has always wanted us to learn, which is what we do now.

I am learning, more and more each day. I don't see life through my eyes, I try to see life through HIS eyes, because life changes without warning and you have to learn to adapt to every change. I am changing every day and beautiful Angel Jersey once again changed me. Such a fighter and miracle she was, a legacy she left behind, of strength and beauty.

So, Chris and Heidi, if you one day read this, I want you to know, your daughter left foot prints in my heart. Her 1 month, 1 week and 3 days of being here, gracing us all with her prescense, she taught us more then most of us would ever have learned in our life times. Faith is what we have to have now, that out of this there is good, that there is hope, that there is comfort. We may not find it right now...but one day, it will wash over all of us. Until then, we will all walk the path less travled.

Blessings and Love
Jenna