That is how it feels, daily, I live with the constant fear in the back of my mind, that Lily's heart could stop at anytime. Yet I try to block it out, live each day as a blessing, and thank the Lord for another day with my girl, and of course all my children. I have good days and I have bad days. I try so hard to compartmentalize, so I don't constantly feel on edge, but with this being our 6th surgery, I am so scared. So very scared. So I spend a lot of time on my knees, asking to borrow strength and help with peace of mind. We have 5 weeks and 3 days until we leave to San Diego, and with each passing week, as it creeps closer to us leaving, my brave face is starting to falter. I keep staring at her beautiful little face and memorizing every detail of her, because as much as I know that dream was not real, it still sits in the back of my mind, and has rattled me to the core.
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