My Storm Clouds!

So as I sat and reread my last blog and all the comments that went with it, seeing I post on Blogspot, Myspace, and Cafemom. I had many encouraging words and I had many that echoed, you are not alone. I know I am not alone in the CHD World, but In that moment in time when the doctor told me the news over the phone, I was alone, I was the one that stood there and absorbed the news, the one that digested it, that one that had to break it down for everyone else to understand. I was there once again deciding what was our best course of action. I know I am not alone but when all medical news falls on your shoulders you become alone. The first day is the worst, you cry, you get angry, you are so overcome with a rush of emotions you can't get your head to stop hurting even if it was to save your life. The day after you are no longer a crying wreck but an emotinal wreck. Then you try to explain over and over how you are ok, dont worry about me....we will be fine.....but all the while you are screaming from the inside...begging for it all to end somedays, swearing up and down you cant do this, you aren't strong enough for any of it....that it will never be OK....that life will never be the same. Yet you continue to put on a smile for every, you create such a front that no one can penatrate the emotional turmoil you are feeling. It will get better...its just waiting for that rain of sunshine to come through the storm clouds is the hardest......Come what may.....this is my life until my dying day!