Unyielding Faith

I lay in bed as I write this, sleep is evading me once again. Yet I knew sleep would not be my friend on this night. As it goes the night before any surgery, I lay in bed awake as the house sleeps peaceful around me and I play back the last couple of weeks. I remember them with beautiful clarity and I wonder if we have done all we should have in the last couple weeks as a family. Did we spend enough time together? Did we say I love you enough? Did we play enough? The last two weeks before surgery, through all the chaotic hecticness, we make sure we live life to the fullest. I know it is not humanly possible to cram everything I want to do into two weeks but we try to do the manageable things.

I have Lily's laugh stored within my heart, her smile in my mind, and her smell stored in my memory. Because for 8 hours tomorrow she will not be with me. I can not rush and get her as if she were at a sitters. For 8 long hours no matter how bad I want to see her, touch her or smell her, there is no possibility of it. So I have got as much of a fix tonight as I could We played with her on the bed after her bath. I drank in her giggles, I cuddled with her and smelled her hair, and watched her smile as her daddy talked with her. I have sat besides her bed, I watched the rise and fall of her chest and heard the ever so soft snore that comes with her deep sleep. I put my hand through the bars far enough to place my finger into her hand, which she held ever so tightly. She sleeps peaceful, not knowing what tomorrow holds.....what today holds....

As it goes with the day of surgery I always feel a profound sense of peace, a sense of comfort and strength. I know what is happening in 7 hours is completely necessary, and without it we would lose her. You have to take risks to make gains. She is in good hands, no, she is in Wonderful hands. Because not only do I have complete faith in Dr.C and the surgical staff, I know the Lord will be guiding their hand also. He will be there with her as she undergoes this surgery, no matter how long it takes, no matter how long it takes to recover. No matter how it ends, in my arms or in his, she will always have His strength, His comfort, and His peace, as will I.
You are never ready for surgery, you are never ready for the stress and anxiety of it, until he makes you ready. I am ready! Ready to make the drive to the hospital, walk the long hallways to the operating room, ready to hand her over.

Fear not, for I am with you;
be not dismayed, for I am your God;
I will strengthen you, I will help you,
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
—Isaiah 41:10

Thank you all for your prayers, for your love and your unyielding faith!

Love, Hugs and Many Blessings
Jenna