A new day has begun, how blessed we are!

Well, I have slept for the past 6 or so hours, BUT, daddy was up with our Princess girl and from the updated report I received before he drifted back off to dreamland, she has had a rough go. She has a lot of junk in her chest and she doesn't want to cough it up (then again who would blame her seeing she just have open heart surgery). So they did an easy-pap, this is where the took pressurized air and shot it up her nose so it would open her air way and fill her lungs to make her cough. They didn't give her a choice because if that stuff continues to stay there we could have other problems. My poor ME-ME-moo's, she was TICKED, screaming, had to have 3 people hold her down, work my grandma up, etc, and mommy slept right through it. Can we say TIRED! Good news though, it did seem to help her cough and break up a little bit of the junk, but she still sounds gross, They just took a x-ray so to make sure everything is breaking up in the chest and also to make sure her heart isn't enlarged. I wont hear the results of those for a little while but if it is anything of great consequence I will post about it.

She isn't resting easy that is for sure. She is very cranky, and she does nothing but toss and turn her head and whimper. There is nothing more we can do to make her comfortable without, what the nurses call, snowing her under, or in the rest of the worlds understandings, without making her lethargic, and suppress her breathing. So, it is a catch 22, a very thin line, danged if you do and danged if you don't. So she is having to be a tough cookie, and it is breaking our hearts, no baby deserves to have to deal with this type of pain, she is only 9 months old, she shouldn't know pain, except of the normal kind of falling down. But she knows more then half of the world does when comes to pain. She has fought and will continue to have to fight this fight. I looked at Chris tonight as she laid there whimpering and he told me it broke his heart to see her like this, which I agreed that it made my heart sad also, BUT(I seem to use this word a lot, I think I need to find a new word to use) this is her life, she will be having open heart surgeries every 3-5 years, and there is nothing we can do to stop them except for absolute healing.

What am I going to tell her when she is 5 and looks at me and tells me,"Mommy make the pain go away." That will absolutely break my heart, not that her whimpering doesn't, it just will be harder when she can voice things. It will be harder when she will have to be pulled out of school to have to come back to the hospital for another open heart surgery. Not anything we cant handle, just something that she shouldn't....once again....we are back at my Utopian society.
I ask for the Lords wisdom to help show me the right way to explain her special heart to her, the courage to stand next to hear side without crying while she is in pain and I cant help, and the strength to do this continually for the rest of her life.

Climb tomorrows mountains tomorrow, and walk the path less traveled, life's choices are never easy, we do not have an easy life ahead of us, but life at that. And I have learned, never take it for granted, to cherish every breath of air that fills my lung, every sound of the monitors beeping, because even though they go off for alarming purposes, it means my child is alive, that she is here, fighting the hard fight. That she still has the strength in her to do it. And if the time ever comes that, that strength is no longer there, then may the Lord bring me comfort and hold me steadfast as he does his will and makes my child at ease in his arms, in his home, the Kingdom of Heaven. We all pray that day never comes, but as a heart parent, you know that these chances are there every day you awake and walk to your little one's crib. I have never cherished life more then I do now, since Lily came screaming into my life. She has taught me, with the Lord help of course, that even though living life one day at a time isn't the ideal for everyone, it shows you that you are more blessed with each day, because tomorrow may never come. I use to live life knowing that tomorrow will always be there, I have to say, I took life for granted, I am still here and so is the rest of my family, but I never appreciated life for what it truly was. It is really hard to explain it to others.

Life is a gift, a gift from God, something that should be treasured, because tomorrow, your world could change, your universe could slip out from underneath you, then what would you do?