No Looking Back....Ringing in the New Year!

Another Christmas has come and gone again in the McLaughlin household. We Celebrated the birth of our savior along with Lily's First Christmas, which was a big milestone for us, she will be 10 months in 2 days. 10 months ago our life was no more then a vision of hope of what could be. 10 months ago, I cherished every kick from her as if I would never hold her. How far we have come in 10 months; 3 open heart surgeries, 5 hospital stays, 1 heart cath, 5 ER trips, and over 2 dozen doctor appointments later, I would not change it for the world.

People look at me like I am crazy when I say that out loud. But the way I see it, if this wouldn't have happened to us, it would have happened to someone else instead, and no one should have to walk this life. It is the Path Less Traveled, as I like to call it. It is a path the Lord gives to the strong and the brave. If you don't think you are, then the Lord shall prove otherwise to you.

I once thought that God was crazy for giving me this burden...yes...I thought it was a burden. I thought my own daughter was a burden. I wish I could strike myself down for that thought, but this is not easy. It will never be easy...and in a moment of weakness and no faith, I screamed at God asking him why...the million whys...Why ME...Why US....Why My DAUGHTER...Why NOW, Why when I have so much on my plate already,WHY! I was tired, I had an Autistic child, I had a child with chronic breathing problems, I just didn't get it. How did he feel I was strong enough for this. Did he know he would take me to the brink of insanity watching my daughter hold on to life with nothing more HIS will holding her there. Did he know that I would crumble at his feet beseeching him not my daughter, not this day? Did he know I would never fully turn my back?

Yes he did, he has known all of this from the start. He knew all the curves Lily would throw us and he knew my reactions even before I had them. He knew I would yell and scream, he knew I would cry and crumble, but he took my anger, and gave me calmness and peace. He took my tears and gave me courage and strength. He has held me steadfast over these past 10 months, he has never left my side and never will. Through Lily he teaches me about Life, the life I once took for granted before this beautiful and innocent child graced my life. Through her he taught me trust, faith, and hope. We live for today and HOPE for tomorrow, be thankful for what you have because a blink of an eye is all it takes for it to be gone.

Lily is my guardian angel, sent to me, and she has saved me, how could I not be blessed to be living with an angel and miracle?

Here is my Austi boy, Christmas Morning, he is almost 3 and I have no idea where the time went. I love this look, the look in his eyes. The eyes of wonder and innocence. I love the way he looks at the world, when he sees things for the first time. It is true beauty watching him, he is my baby boy always and forever. Him and mama have been through a lot. 2 scorpion bites, 2 huge cuts, and 3 trips to the ER for breathing problems alone, I could not ask for more when it comes to my Austi boy. He is my coloring buddy, my snuggle buddy on a rainy day, and mama's little helper. I wish my precious boy would stay this size forever, but one day I will have to share him....but for now....sharing him with daddy is my main concern...because day by day, he is becoming a daddy's boy......

My big boy. Lucas is now 5 years old and he is daddy's mini-me. Here he is Christmas morning sitting at his new table, waiting oh so patiently to unwrap presents. He is so full of energy, that it takes rocket speed to keep up with him. Something neither Chris or I have and we feel that we neglect his need to run and be free. He is such an independent yet dependant child. If that makes ANY sense. He wants you to play with him but not to help him. He will talk your ear off if you let him. He didn't talk until he was almost 4, so I think he is making up for the lost time. As you can tell by his PJ's he LOVES anything that has to do with CARS. He has always been my biggest challenge. I shed many tears of frustration over him, we had many long nights, and long days. He would scream all day and all night. I use to think he would never be a normal child. I use to think that he was as much as I could take. Once again the Lord proved me wrong. .

The year is coming to an end. In 4 days we will be ringing in the New Year. I would like to hope that last years bumps will be mountians compaired to this year. I would like to only climb hills, but I will take whatever the Lord gives me and be thankful for all of it. Under all of this, there is a lesson, and what my life's lesson is, I have yet to uncover and understand. But when the time is right, I believe the Lord will open my eyes and show me, so I can understand it and write about it. Because I want nothing more then to share this story with you, Our Story, Lily's story!

God Bless.

~Me~