Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Echoing Misery

To most of you this blog will make no sense. So I will give a quick story... Chris and I are in the process of divorcing..and as of yesterday he took all my babies and left...taking them to his parents..and seeing we only have the one car...I am stranded...without my babies....So this little bit of writing below lets my emotions flow of what is running through my head at the moment.


The soundless noise echo's around my household, louder then the streets of time square

I find no peace, I find no ease when I close my eyes.

I hear child cries and I run down the hall to their room, only to see empty beds

Then trying to soothe myself back to sleep with a million thoughts racing through my head

My arms ache, my heart squeezes a little tighter when I see their pictures on the wall

Tears stream freely, unchecked, knowing they do no good to cry,

but they let the unrelenting pain out thats inside

I feel my self breaking, stumbling, preparing for the fall

Bruised and batterd, broken to pieces, I pick myself up off the floor

I remind myself this won't be forever

One day, one hour, one minute at a time

I know one day it will be so much better, I will have so much more

But for now, I look in the mirror and see the woman I have become

Silently asking what have I done

Not regretting my decissions, not second guessing my choices

Except for the one that started this all...sometimes wishing it could become undone

Then I think back to the reason my tears fall, and I can't regret that at all...

Sunday, August 29, 2010

Its a bird...its a plane...OMG WHAT DID THEY DO TO YOUR HAIR?!?!

My beautiful baby girl...long beautiful hair, wavy and cute, adorable just like her. Well as of Thursday afternoon she had that beautiful hair....As of Friday morning, this is what she looked like.

To say mommy was pissed off would be an understatement. She looks like a boy, my little girl looks like her brothers and it makes me cringe. When Austin was a baby he had these beautiful curls to his hair, and I was made to take him and have them cut off because he "Looked like a girl".... Well now I am on the flip side, my little girl with beautiful wavy hair, now looks like a boy because her grandfather decided she needed her hair cut. Mommy wasn't there to play pit bull and reaffirm that NO MEANS NO. I have told him time and time again not to touch her hair, that I trim the back and the bangs, and if I want it cut I will take her and have it done. But no...Daddy took the kids out to grandma and grandpa's and he turned his back and this is the baby he brings home.

I know to many of you, you are just saying it's hair, it will grow back, but it is the principal of the matter. I had even said before Chris left that under no circumstances was Lily's hair to be cut. I was dead serious. Well...supposedly all it took was daddy's back being turned for a few mins while buzzing Austin's hair for Grandpa to go Gung-ho on my poor unsuspecting daughters hair.

She is still cute, she always will be, but her poor head of hair...I feel like I should take her to have it fixed but at the same time I can't handle the thought of anymore hair being cut off.

Other then the hair, Lily is doing good. Nothing really new to report on the home front. Need to call and schedule an echo, but I don't feel that there are any changes to her heart, by how rowdy and active she is. She is growing like a weed and talking a mile a minute. She is also starting to sing around the house, that will be my next mission, to get her on camera singing, it is to cute.

Love hugs and blessings